Socialist New World Order Announcement

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Do you fear for your life?
Do tears suddenly appear when Obama's name you hear?
Do you equate Reason and Science to Liberal Bias and Witchcraft?
Do you think the world is 4,000 years old?
Do you think human children road T-Rex to pre-historic Sunday schools?
Do you think 8 years of a failed cowboy foreign policy and a recession primarily caused by the failure of market self-regulation, can be fixed in 8 months?
Do you think Liberals sit in their homes late at night praying to their pagan socialist gods that they can get pregnant so they can get another abortion?
Do you think that Obama and all the individuals who want to reduce health care costs want to secretly kill your grandmother?
Do you think it is better that the country goes bankrupt rather than see Obama succeed in reducing Healthcare costs by making the system more efficient and increasing taxes on the extremely wealthy?
Do you think a government temporarily aiding a failing market in order to prevent further deterioration is a precursor to a new Evil, Communist, Liberal, Socialist World Order?
Do you think the government just wants Free Health care for everyone so they give it to those Illegal Mexicans?
Do you think Global Warming and the so called "fact" that CO2 in the atmosphere traps heat is a hoax that the New World Order of Liberals made up to prevent you from owning an SUV or Truck?

Well, I'm here to say you are right. All your fears are founded in sound logic. You are not a narcissistic self involved crazy person who throws reason to the wind. I myself used to live in fear that Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama were going to steal my house away, and give it to some poor person, most likely someone from Illegal, Mexico off the West coast of Africa. I finally decided enough was enough. I could not stand idly by and let the Nation I love so much turn into a bunch of fun loving hippies inventing stuff, advancing science, and caring about people THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW. As a law abiding Christian, I felt it was my duty to stop this from occurring. I had to bring capitalism back to its high Moral Standing. I had to do what Jesus did way back when he threw the Tax collectors out of the Temple so as to make the Temple less socialist.

So I decided to uncover this New World Order and join the Democratic party as a subversive entity. Oh I have them all fooled, I bought a prius, started watching liberal fact leaning shows like Jon Stewart and Fareed Zakaria. I discovered another secret organization called NAMBLA. Jon Stewart let it slip a few times on his show, and I started to realize a pattern.
I found that if you scramble NAMBLA and ignore all the letters, you get the fact that Glen Beck, Joe Wilson, Rush Limbaugh, and Alex Jones are the most reasonable intelligent individuals the world has ever produced, are not crazy at all, and have no resemblance in character to Joseph McCarthy. And another fact, that Obama is not reasonable, listens to no one, aspires to be Hilter, acts in haste, wants to destroy America, is secretly a Muslim, and is not a citizen of the United States of America (Where is the proof Obama?). I am still in league with the Democratic Party in my attempt to prove the existence of this new world order, and given enough time I am fairly sure I will uncover their no good scoundrel plots of world domination. In the mean time, I will attempt to blend in with these crazy individuals who insist on listening to people when they speak and then forming their thoughts based on reason, compromise, and a basic sense of humanity.

-Evil Monkey
P.S. Joe Wilson is my hero, and I resent those who think he is a Jack Ass bigot with a pea sized brain. Those people just don't understand the importance of civil discourse in a time of trouble for a nation in order to solve problems.